This past weekend, we lost a dear friend of ours. I feel strange writing about it, but seeing as how only like three people readthis, it's just a remimder for myself.
And that's fine. Because I don't want to forget Dan ever. Dave and Dan and Dave's wife and Dan's finacee are like our second family. There is a lot of history between my husband and between us and our respective families. There is just this hole now, the place that is empty where Dan should be but is not.
It absolutely breaks my heart to think of Dan being gone, all these people I love being in so much pain. I don't think it's possible to process any of this now; I wonder if it ever really will be.
Of course my thoughts turn to my own mortality, my husband's, my family's. All the cliches of life being precious, fleeting, unfair running around in my head. In the end all I want is to be good to everyone, good to my husband.
My friend Katherine reminded me of the process of grieving, how normal this is, but you know, I just don't want to do it. I just want Dan back.
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